In These Moments

After the events of today, my brain has brought to the forefront of my mind a conversation that I has with my sister not to long ago. We were talking about how I really never go anywhere or do anything. I mean, I'm always busy and stuff. Just not ever with anything that is really important. Where most people in my family would leave and visit friends and family (usually in the same person) during the summer, I would always stay. I always thought if I just took one more class that it would get me ahead, or if I picked up an extra shift at work that I might have enough to get through the school year without working so hard. As a result of that mind set, I have missed out on things like getting to know my family better.

The really sad thing about this all was, that I realized it months ago and I still didn't change anything. I didn't change my priorities or anything. I kept working and I kept going to school (summer included). I keep picking up that extra shift at work in hope of something. Nothing ever did.

Until today

I didn't really think that today would be a day of note or be a day that could make a difference. I mean its a Wednesday. I've never had much luck with Wednesdays. I came home from work to finish an assignment I had due tonight, and Bonnie asks me if I was ready to go to the movie tonight. I had been promising her for several days now that we would go as soon as I had a day where I got off early enough to without staying out too late because of school in the morning. I told her I couldn't go because as soon as my assignment was done I had to turn around and go cover a shift for so-and-so.

This wasn't the first time that something like this has happened to me. I mean I disappoint friends and family for work on a regular basis. I've lost track of how many times I've totally bailed out on doing my sister's hair because I have to end up staying late for work. This was the first time though that I did something about it.

It wasn't Bonnie's yelling at me and telling me how much she hated me for bailing out on her yet again that got me to call my work and let them know I couldn't make it. It was the look on her face. Her quiet comment of how she had been looking forward to it all day.

I know that what they say is cheesy, but it is also true. It is in the small moments that life is made. Not in how much you earn or how smart you are, but what you make and who you do it with. The movie wasn't that great, but the memory was.

It's Called a Cruel Irony

... like my dependence on you (The Emperor's New Groove 2000)

Or another quote that works for my situation, "You exist to continue your existence, what's the point?" (Equilibrium 2002)

As I have worked pretty much for the last four hours on homework, I cannot help but wonder and ask myself
"Self, why I am ruining my weekend with something as pointless as this?"
And I answered myself saying "Other self, I was too busy to do it during the week."
Which surprisingly enough was actually true. I work full time.
So this brought to mind the thought, "Self, why am I killing myself working full time if I live at home and have relatively no living expenses?"
Answer "To pay for school."

After going back and forth several times between myself and myself I came to the conclusion that my life is a cruel irony. I work so that I can afford to go to school, but I work so much that I do not succeed at school.

Its awesome, and I can't help but chuckle to myself. *chuckle chortle chuckle*

Life is the greatest!!!